I want to make a zoo with you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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