I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
