As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
