well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
