He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
