Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
