She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
