Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
