the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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