the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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