Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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