she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
