My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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