I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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