The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
