With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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