You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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