and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
