He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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