i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
