we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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