This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
