She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
