Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
