After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
