haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
