i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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