hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
