I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
