every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
