Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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