oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
