Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
