I can text with my tongue
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
