I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
