Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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