no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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