do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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