dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
