im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
