i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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