70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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