if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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