How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize