My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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