Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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