Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
