What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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