i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
