Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
