i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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