I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
