I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
