You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My vagina is officially offended.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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