I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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