What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
