You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
