Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
