I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
