I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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