He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
