Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
