Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
