hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
