Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
