Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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