please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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