What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
