dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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