True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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