we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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