so let's talk penis.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
