Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sext me about skeletons
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
