1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish I only lived at night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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