Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
