Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize